3 weeks ago my aunt shot and killed her two sons and herself in a murder suicide.
The shock you are feeling after reading that sentence is a small portion of the shock I felt when my parents sat us siblings down and told us. Surreal is the best word to describe it. We found out Sunday, and by Wednesday everyone including Jason was loaded into the minivan headed to Phoenix. There was a memorial at the boys junior highschool that night. It was weird sitting in the auditorium listening to these little people talk about the grief they are feeling and how much they loved my 2 cousins. It made me realize how little I actually knew them. The grief and regret I felt in that hour was pretty horrendous. Unbearable actually, as I was in denial until..actually I might still be in denial.
That Friday morning September 25th was the funeral at 11 am. At home my best friend Brittany got married in the temple at 11 am Utah time. I was supposed to be there celebrating with friends and family on the temple grounds getting my picture taken in my bridesmaid dress, not staring at caskets. Life felt really unfair. Sometimes I get angry that my aunt took my cousins but I know that she loved those boys more then anything so I think in her temporary insanity she must have thought she was doing the right thing. Protecting them maybe. She had found out the night before my uncle wanted a divorce, the sheer mental pressure of that and other life challenges must have made her snap. I think everyone has hit that point at some time where they would rather sleep forever then face another day.
Jason and I went to the funeral service at the mortuary and then Dad hustled us over to the airport to catch a plane so I could go to Brittany's reception that night. A funeral and a wedding in one day. It was sort of an ultimate low for me.
Brittanys reception was awesome. Wadley Farms is a cute outside reception center with a garden and gazebo right by my parents home. Brittany did lollipop center pieces with pictures of her and Jeremy glued to them and a candy table, cotton candy and ice cream center. Sugar Sugar. She had a cupcake cake. I had to stand guard to make sure no one took any of the gourmet cupcakes from the wedding cake stand. When they cut the cake they chased each other around the garden trying to smear each other with a cupcake. It was cute. A happy ending to a hard week. Sh
e went to New York the next day for the honeymoon. :)
The shock you are feeling after reading that sentence is a small portion of the shock I felt when my parents sat us siblings down and told us. Surreal is the best word to describe it. We found out Sunday, and by Wednesday everyone including Jason was loaded into the minivan headed to Phoenix. There was a memorial at the boys junior highschool that night. It was weird sitting in the auditorium listening to these little people talk about the grief they are feeling and how much they loved my 2 cousins. It made me realize how little I actually knew them. The grief and regret I felt in that hour was pretty horrendous. Unbearable actually, as I was in denial until..actually I might still be in denial.
That Friday morning September 25th was the funeral at 11 am. At home my best friend Brittany got married in the temple at 11 am Utah time. I was supposed to be there celebrating with friends and family on the temple grounds getting my picture taken in my bridesmaid dress, not staring at caskets. Life felt really unfair. Sometimes I get angry that my aunt took my cousins but I know that she loved those boys more then anything so I think in her temporary insanity she must have thought she was doing the right thing. Protecting them maybe. She had found out the night before my uncle wanted a divorce, the sheer mental pressure of that and other life challenges must have made her snap. I think everyone has hit that point at some time where they would rather sleep forever then face another day.
Jason and I went to the funeral service at the mortuary and then Dad hustled us over to the airport to catch a plane so I could go to Brittany's reception that night. A funeral and a wedding in one day. It was sort of an ultimate low for me.
Brittanys reception was awesome. Wadley Farms is a cute outside reception center with a garden and gazebo right by my parents home. Brittany did lollipop center pieces with pictures of her and Jeremy glued to them and a candy table, cotton candy and ice cream center. Sugar Sugar. She had a cupcake cake. I had to stand guard to make sure no one took any of the gourmet cupcakes from the wedding cake stand. When they cut the cake they chased each other around the garden trying to smear each other with a cupcake. It was cute. A happy ending to a hard week. Sh
e went to New York the next day for the honeymoon. :) 
2 comments:
so sorry about your family, jocelynn.
Jocelynn-
i need to remember to add your blog to my google reader. i never look on my sidebar anymore.
anyway, i'm just getting to this entry, and i just want to say that i'm sorry, too. death is so very hard to wrap your head around and process. i can only imagine that the circumstances regarding your aunt's and cousins' deaths compound those feelings. i am so sorry.
amy
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